at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
