You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize