Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
