you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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