Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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