Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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