No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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