we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
