I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
