Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
