well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
