i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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