i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my shit smells like andre
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
