Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Enjoy the penises
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
