It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
