he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
