I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
