I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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