Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
