Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
