3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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