I think I am morally bankrupt
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
