Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
