Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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