Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
