I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Damn victory sex feels great
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