Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
