yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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