i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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