I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
