I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
