What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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