if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
