I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
