I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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