I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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