she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
