OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
