Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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