he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize