tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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