The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
