I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
