I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
