ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
