Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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