Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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