the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He shit in the fireplace
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
