I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize