My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
