Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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