sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We are two peas in an std pod
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
