You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
