I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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