Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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