i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
