my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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