I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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