Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
