in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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