Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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