How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
