just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
