You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
