It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
