he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
