why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
