my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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