Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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