just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
my poor anus
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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