i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am one with the molecules
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
soo... how was my night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
