nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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