okay pat passed out under dana's car
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
