Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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