i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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