when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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