3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
