So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize