One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
