I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
