Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize