I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
