She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
