she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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