There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
