I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
