Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
