were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
