'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize